


A Very Normandy Christmas

by browncoatfromtheshire



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Banter, Celebrations, F/M, Fluff, Holidays, Humor, Romance, Science Fiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-18
Updated: 2012-12-18
Packaged: 2017-11-21 11:53:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/597458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/browncoatfromtheshire/pseuds/browncoatfromtheshire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shepard decides the crew deserve a break to celebrate the holidays.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Very Normandy Christmas

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Bethany](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Bethany).



> This ficlet was written for Bethany as part of the Mass Effect Holiday Cheer gift exchange on tumblr. It is set out of game in between the events of Mass Effect 2.
> 
> Shepard is Elaina Shepard, Bethany's custom Shepard, who is a Colonist War Hero Sentinel.
> 
> Thanks to jillyfae for being my beta for this one ^_^

Elaina Shepard leaned on the back of Joker's chair as the pilot deftly guided the ship to the glistening Citadel.

Joker tapped on a discreet button on the corner of one of the screens.

"Citadel Control, this is SV Normandy. Requesting clearance to dock." He spoke loud and clear.

There was a few seconds before they got a response. "Normandy, you have permission to approach. Transferring you to Zakera Control. Oh and Happy Holidays!"

"Happy wha?" Elaina straightened up in confusion. "EDI what's the date?"

The AI flickered to life next to her. "The date on the Citadel when translated to correspond to the planetary and solar cycles of Earth, is currently December 23rd. I believe the Control Officer was referring to the traditional Earth holidays of Christmas, which is celebrated on December 25th to commemorate the birth of Jesus Christ; Hannukah, which is-"

"Yea yea we get it EDI," Joker interrupted, rolling his eyes. "Jesus, it's that time again already? I guess I'm behind on my Christmas shopping. Too bad we're too busy saving the galaxy, huh Shepard?"

Elaina looked thoughtful. "The crew's been working pretty hard lately and deserve a bit of a break. Maybe we'll extend this stop a few days so they can celebrate."

"Drinks all 'round?"

"I'm thinking more like Christmas dinner."

"Uh, not to rain on your parade Commander, but how are you going to afford that for everyone?"

"Cerberus," she responded with an impish grin.

"Good luck convincing Miranda on that one," Joker replied doubtfully.

Elaina keyed at her omni-tool. "Chambers, do you copy?"

Kelly's perky voice echoed through the omni-tool, "I copy. How can I help, Commander?"

"Kelly can you sort with Miranda for a crew Christmas dinner at Hal'Emeer?"

"The restaurant at the Presidium?"

"That's the one"

"Don't you need to book months in advance?"

"Maybe try The Illusive Man. Tell him it's important for morale and to encourage teamwork."

There was a brief pause before Kelly responded. "Yes ma'am"

"Also Kelly?"

"Yes Commander?"

"Do you think you could do something to make the Normandy look a bit more festive? Source a few decorations and put them up?"

"I'll see what I can do. Merry Christmas Commander"

"Thanks Kelly. Merry Christmas." She smiled as she tapped her omni-tool to close the line.

Joker swung his seat around to face her. "All docked," he replied. "Want to inform the troops?"

"Patch me through, Joker"

He swung his chair back around to his control screens and keyed in a command.

"Patching you through... go"

She cleared her throat and leaned toward the console "This is Commander Shepard speaking. We have docked at the Citadel. We're going to be here a few days so you are free to do as you please. Stay out of trouble and make sure you are reachable at all times. Shepard out."

"Not going to tell them the big surprise?"

"I'll wait till I know there's a surprise to tell first."

She slumped against his chair "could do with a night out though."

____________

"You still there Joker?! Your shift finished hours ago!" Shepard's voice boomed down the corridor long before she strode into the bridge.

There was a sudden flurry of movement from the pilot's seat and Shepard was too quick to miss the closing of several windows on his screens. Stepping beside the chair to face him, she raised an eyebrow.

"What are you up to?" she asked suspiciously.

"Nothing."

"You better not be watching porn on the main ship control screens again Joker or so help me, I'll -"

"I wasn't!" he interrupted, lifting his hands up defensively. "I was..."

"I'm listening..."

Eyebrow still raised, she crossed her arms in front of her and tapped her foot. Joker scrambled for a line to feed her. Angry Shep was a scary Shep. He breathed a sigh of relief when her omni-tool dinged loudly.

Without shifting her gaze, Elaina tapped her omni-tool and held it near her face. "Shepard"

"The Illusive Man has placed a reservation for the whole Normandy crew at Hal'Emeer tomorrow night at 7pm... er 1900 hours. Shall I notify everyone?" Kelly's voice sang through the device.

"Affirmative. Good work Kelly."

"Thanks Commander" Kelly's grin was practically audible.

"Shepard out."

"A fancy dinner party? But what will I wear?" Joker asked in a high-pitched, girlish voice and made a show of batting his eyelashes.

Elaina rolled her eyes and sighed. "EDI, was he watching porn on the control screens?"

The blue holographic ball flickered to life to the left of the pilot's chair. "No, Commander."

There was a pause as Shepard waited for her to continue.

"You're not going to tell me what he was doing?"

"No, Commander."

More than a little suspicious at this point, but with no further information forthcoming, she gave up. "Fine. Just no blowing up our ship okay?"

"Been there, done that. Never again." Joker muttered, but she was long gone.

____________

Elaina checked herself in the mirror. Hair: check. Makeup: check. Dress: check. Heels: check. She wasn't about to go anywhere unarmed, even an innocuous fancy restaurant, so she strapped her tiny M-243 Firefly handgun to her thigh, and pulled the hem of her tight black dress down. One last mirror check. She tucked a loose amber curl back into her bun and stepped carefully to the elevator as she readjusted to wearing heels.

Later, more or less used to the heels she'd borrowed from Miranda. She stepped into the crowded waiting area of the restaurant. "We all here?" she asked Kelly.

"Everyone except Joker, Commander"

"What?! Is he ok?"

"He said he'd be late, Commander. I'm sure he's fine"

"Are you all ready to be seated at your table?" They were interrupted by a young quarian waitress. Her exquisite hood a soft apple green with a white crosshatching pattern. Her mask a dark tint of green, showed her bright glowing eyes shining through.

Shepard glanced at the door and sighed. "You all go ahead, I'll wait here for Joker."

She debated pinging him on her omni-tool, but decided against it, not wanting to be pushy or coddling. That's the last thing he'd want. Instead she paced.

Only two full minutes passed before she heard the familiar footsteps. An irregular tempo as he shuffle-limped his way to the entrance. She breathed a sigh of relief.

"Hot damn Shepard, you clean up good!"

She beamed, "You don't look too bad yourself Joker. Is that a suit?!"

"Yea. Just one I had lying around," he responded sheepishly. "Where is everyone?"

"They're already inside. Shall we?"

She offered her arm for him. He looked at it hesitantly before offering his own for her to take. She poked her tongue out cheekily, but took his arm anyway, being careful not to put any weight on him.

"Be honest, you dressed up to impress me am I right?" He asked jokingly.

"Of course!" She winked and laughed.

"I knew it!"

The restaurant was sprawling and palatial. Several antique earth-style chandeliers hung from the ceiling. The walls were lined with red and gold and the booths separated with elaborate gold lattice screens. Couch-like booth seats surrounded each table and were covered with various gold and red brocade cushions. In the middle of the restaurant stood an 8ft Christmas tree laden with beautiful red and gold ornaments and the brightest gold star decoration Elaina had ever seen, even since her early childhood Christmases on the colony.

There was a loud cheer as Joker and Shepard were spotted by the crew, already with drinks in hand. Blushing slightly, they took their seats and had glasses filled in front of them almost instaneously. She raised her glass and clinked it with his. "To us" she whispered, barely audible over the rest of the crew chattering. "Merry Christmas Joker, thanks for sticking around." She gave him a lop-sided smile. He grinned back. She confused him, sure. But her mood was infectious and he couldn't avoid being taken in. He'd have to take stock of just what was happening between them later, but for now, it was time to celebrate.

____________

Hours later, most of the crew quite drunk or well on their way, had left to either hit up Purgatory or hit their bunks. Joker and Elaina found themselves more or less alone save for Garrus and Tali chatting quietly at the other end of the table. Joker yawned, making Elaina giggle.

"Come on Joker, let's get you to bed." The words spilled out before she realised how they could be interpreted. She burst out laughing as his expression shifted from brief alarm to a suggestive smirk.

"I bbeeet you ssssay that to all the guyssss, Commmmander," he slurred.

"Shit, you're even drunker than I thought, Joker! Come on. Can you even stand up?"

"What the sssshit? I dddidn't even drrrrink half asss muccch asss youu!"

"It's those damn Cerberus cybernetics." She stood by as he staggered out of the chair and stumbled a couple of steps.

Without a word she lifted his arm and ducked her head under it and placed it over her shoulders while holding him up with her other arm around his waist, so he wouldn't fall in his inebriated state.

"Hey you," she grinned at him.

"Heeeyyyyyy," he responded drunkedly.

They staggered their way from the restaurant to the rapid transport and eventually found themselves back at the entrance of the Normandy. Elaina could feel Joker getting heavier and heavier as he leaned more and more upon her.

"Just a bit further..." she urged as they reached the airlock.

She suddenly found herself up against the wall as Joker collapsed against her.

"Ssssssorry," he grunted as he tried and failed to push himself back up.

"It's ok..." She shifted him so that he was sitting with his back to the wall and sat herself down next to him "how about we just relax here for a few minutes?"

He didn't answer, just nodded and leaned back and closed his eyes.

Elaina observed her ship. Kelly had outdone herself with the decorating. Fairy lights and festive tinsel lined the corridor and bulkheads. Looking up, she noticed a leafy bundle hanging above their heads. Mistletoe? Where in the galaxy had Chambers managed to source genuine mistletoe? She shrugged off her own question and leaned over to peck Joker on the cheek.

"Buh?" His eyes jerked open and he stared at her questioningly.

"Mistletoe," she replied, pointing upwards.

"Oh..." he replied dejectedly "oh ok." He closed his eyes again and rested his head back against the wall.

Elaina sighed. Well she'd used pretty much every hint she could think of under the guise of 'Christmas spirit' to let him know how she felt about him. If the fact that he was now snoring on her shoulder wasn't proof he wasn't remotely interested, she didn't know what was. She thought to herself where to go from there. She'd have to carry him. There was no doubt about that. But would his pride stand for it? The over-the-shoulder method was probably the best option... he would never tolerate being carried in her arms like a baby if he were sober. She nudged him gently awake and pushed herself up.

"Come on Joker, let's go." She gently eased him back onto his unsteady feet. She bent over and wrapped her arms around his waist. "Grab my waist!" He obeyed and she gently lifted his feet off the ground and straightened herself up. "Don't even think about throwing up on my dress," she called over her other shoulder as he hung upside down.

She hesitated a second. Where to put him? She was dubious about depositing him onto his bunk. If Donnelly and the other guys were in the dorm too they'd mock him mercilessly for it later. She found herself traipsing through CIC to the elevator and hitting the button to her cabin deck. She inwardly hoped no one saw or she'd have to do some explaining later on.

It was a relief to be able to lower him onto her bed and shift the dead weight. He was asleep before his head even hit the pillow. Elaina chuckled to herself. This wasn't exactly how she'd envisaged her night ending. She pulled off his tie and shoes and gently unbuttoned the top button of his shirt without waking him, and smiled. She'd never tell him to his face but he was adorable when he was asleep, even sprawled out across the bed as he was.

As quietly as she could, she got herself ready for bed. She showered and changed into her pajamas and settled herself onto the large couch. Not before leaving a large glass of water and aspirin on her nightstand for Joker when he woke up inevitably severely hungover.

____________

"SHIT!" Elaina yelled as she tripped in her rush to silence the obnoxious alarm.

Joker woke up with a jolt when he heard the crash, to find his CO on the floor next to the bed. It took more than a few seconds for him to realise where he was. He reached over and gave the alarm a slap to shut it off.

"erergghghghgggghhhhh," he groaned, clutching his head as he peered over the edge of the bed at Shepard, who rolled onto her back and seemed in no hurry to get off the floor now that the purpose for her rush was gone. "You ok?" he asked groggily.

"Better than you at least. Merry Christmas," she teased. "There's aspirin on the nightstand for you." she pointed vaguely over her head.

"eeeruuuggghhh thanks,"

The aspirin and water disappeared in a flash as Joker gulped it down in desperation to make his head feel a normal size again. He collapsed back onto the bed.

"What happened last night? How did I get here?"

"You declared your love for me and demanded to see my cabin"

"WHAT?!" Joker sat bolt upright in horror.

"Wow," she frowned indignantly "It's not that terrifying a thought is it? I was joking anyway..." She rolled over on the floor and started to push herself back up.

"No that's not... I... I meant... wait... no..." he sighed as his normally quick tongue failed him. "I'm not going to be able to talk myself out of this one huh?"

She jumped up. "Nope. Not this time. Do you want a shovel?"

Joker flopped down again. "Yea... Do us both a favour and aim it at my head would ya?"

____________

Despite everyone still being on shore leave and it being Christmas Day, Elaina Shepard was as busy as ever. However by mid-afternoon she began to worry when she still hadn't seen Joker pass through CIC. She fetched a bottle of cold water from the galley fridge for him and made her way back up to her cabin.

"...You are not bound by Alliance regulations, Jeff. You could just tell Shepard you have feelings for her." Elaina stepped out of the elevator and stopped suddenly as heard EDI's voice through the door to her cabin. "Keeping them to yourself could potentially have negative influences on your job performance."

"Dammit EDI! Stop with the psychoanalysis. It's creepy!" Joker's irritated voice echoed.

"Just send the damn files already," he spoke again through gritted teeth.

"They are already there, Jeff. Also, Shepard is standing outside."

"SHIT!  EDI GODDAMMIT, WHY DIDN'T YOU WARN ME!"

Her cover blown, Elaina pushed the door holo and strode in. "What's going on?" She asked with her best pokerface. Inside, her heart was soaring.

"Um... just finished up a Christmas present for you... er... yea." Joker blushed and shuffled awkwardly.

Shepard beamed "You made a present?! For me?!" Her pokerface was long gone, she was like a child meeting Santa Claus. Joker grinned back in spite of his embarrassment.

"Yea. Uh... take a seat." he pulled out the chair for her and took the water bottle she passed him. He stood back as she sat and pulled it towards the desk as he gestured.

He leaned over her and tapped a few buttons on her private terminal to pull up a video for her to watch and then headed toward the door.

"Not so fast, you. Stay there. I want to be able to say thank you afterward." She ordered without averting her eyes from the screen.

Not in the mood to argue, Joker hovered behind her, drumming his fingers quietly and nervously on the bottle and shuffling his feet. Elaina barely noticed. Her eyes transfixed to the screen as she finally discovered the source of his secrecy over the previous few days. The video was a collection of video messages from each and every member of the Normandy-SR2, and other important people in Shepard's life, from Anderson to Zaeed. Even EDI had a message for her.

She watched them all, tears welling up more and more with each heartfelt message. Jack's one made her laugh, as brief as it was. "I still think you're kind of a pussy. And you're a fucking girl scout. But you kick fucking ass. So... you're ok."

The video ended and Elaina leapt to her feet.

"Woah woah, easy!" he cried out as she threw her arms around him and started sobbing into his shoulder. "Shit, it wasn't meant to make you cry!" he juggled momentarily with the waterbottle and reached over to place it on the desk, Shepard still wrapped around him. He gently and awkwardly returned her hug and softly patted her back.

"Thank you Jeff," her voice was muffled by his shoulder and choked by sobs. The sound of her saying his name, his real name, made his heart skip.

He squeezed her tight. "Merry Christmas Elaina" he whispered.

She pulled away and stared at him, cocking her head slightly.

"What?" he ventured after an uncomfortable silence.

"You said my name," she replied with a half smile. "You usually call me Commander, or Shepard, or sometimes Shep. You've never called me by my first name."

"Oh... sorry?"

"No no, I like it." She grinned at him and his heart skipped again. He wished it would make up its damned mind what it was doing.

Before he realised what was happening, she was kissing him. Her lips were soft and warm as her tongue explored his. It took a few seconds for his brain to kick into gear enough to tell him to kiss her back and he pulled her close.

When they eventually pulled apart, he looked up, seemingly searching for something.

"What are you looking for?"

"Mistletoe"

"Why?"

"In case you were just using it as an excuse to kiss me again."

She chuckled. "Well I could use the excuse that I didn't get you a present..."

Joker looked away "Oh," he replied dejectedly.

She placed her hand gently on his cheek and turned his head to face her again. "...buuut really I just wanted to kiss you... I like you Joker... a lot, and well it's Christmas and-"  
She didn't get to finish her sentence. His kiss took her breath away and any residual doubts she had of his feelings for her disappeared into oblivion.

"Well this is the best Christmas present ever. A Commanding Officer!" Joker teased when they broke apart to catch their breath.

"I might be able to improve on that..." She responded with a smirk.

He rubbed his nose affectionately with hers. "I bet you can, Elaina... Yea. I bet you can."


End file.
